Singapore

Wow what a weekend. Well actually it was roughly 40 hours. Though the effects lasted over a week.

A lot of you will know that early in my travels l rejoined the bachelor ranks, ending a four and a half year relationship. It was tough and something that travel has helped with immensely. However I didn't think that I would find myself dating for some time as I wanted to come to terms with the loss of an important part of my life and also rediscover myself, which I know sounds a bit gay, but you know what I mean.

This was my state of mind regarding relationships when I landed in Singapore. I had a week or so previously joined Tinder and Grindr out of curiosity and hungover boredom. Plus I realised I had been ragging on Grindr for being disgusting without actually knowing what I was talking about, which is a bit unforgivable in my book.

As with all social media apps, there is an instant addiction which lasts for a few days (Whisper) to several weeks (Instagram). This was true of both apps. While Tinder offered very little interaction because I never swiped left to "like" anyone, Grindr had the opposite problem, it's mental out there and I don't want to see some ananamous junk anytime, never mind before breakfast. I now know what I'm talking about when it comes to Grindr and I was right all along, although there are a lot more nice people on there than I expected, I even made a few friends, well two.

I digress... After a jam packed morning of sight seeing, which included having a Singapore Sling at Ruffles where it was created, I decided to stop for lunch at Marina Bay Sands and began to flick through Tinder. It was then that I saw the guy that I fell for. He's not out on social media and I don't want to name names, so let's call him Dave... While absent mindedly flicking through the app in a cafe I saw Dave's picture and was instantly blown away, he was no where near my type, but damn! So I gave a rare left swipe and was notified that Dave had already left swiped me. This was exciting and terrifying in equal measure, like what was I going to say to this guy, I'd never online dated before, just looked at profiles.

So I sent a polite message and we started chatting. I explained that I was leaving for Australia the next evening and we just kept chatting. He seemed to believe in all the same things I do, monogamy, honesty, true Love, the whole shebang. He was cute and would often misspell words or make grammatical errors, which was endearing as English isn't his first language. 

After two hours of constant talking I threw caution to the wind and asked if he wanted to meet up. He did and we had a great evening together watching the light show at Marina Bay followed by dinner and a cab to our respective homes, which ended in a rather awkward handshake. After that I thought I had had a better time than Dave and decided to text him to get the inevitable rejection over and done with.

To my surprise Dave said he had a great time and after a bit more chatting we agreed to meet up in the morning. This was crazy, by now I knew I was falling for him and that I was also leaving the country the very next day. I told myself that although it was crazy, it was a shot at something great and that when you get a shot at something like that, you take it, you take it without reservation, because you get so few chances in life when it comes to romance. 

The next day we met up and took in the botanical gardens, they were beautiful and the chemistry between us kept growing. It was thrilling, but looking back I realise that it was also blinding. Dave told me that he spent most of his time indoors and didn't like to go out and do things much, in fact he rarely went out in the daytime. Now this is not a lifestyle I can embrace, I need to be doing things, to be out enjoying the world, heck I'm in the middle of traveling around it! He also found a cactus that resembled the male member hysterical, which should have been a turn off as I like my comedy a little less crass (OK it's not totally unfunny, but it's really not that funny either). However I was blinded to all of this, willingly letting myself be carried by the euphoria of new love (no capital L). 

As we walked the gardens Dave was polite, cute and funny, he insisted on taking photos of me as I was the tourist and needed a lot of photos. He took care in the photos considering lighting, background, etc, it was nice to see how conscientious he was and it showed he cared about what he was doing, which is attractive to me. He was enthusiastic about the flowers and had opinions rather than just saying something bland like "they're alright I guess". I enjoy it when someone has an opinion on little things, even if it's just which flower or sculpture you likeina garden. It was nice to just talk about what we thought of small things, that he had opinions. 

It was about half way round the gardens that I realised that I had to kiss this boy, or I would regret it. After a couple of freak outs I grabbed him in a tunnel where we were not overlooked and we kissed and it was good, which was a relief. That wasn't the last kiss and we did so pretty much whenever we weren't overlooked.

I realise this post has gone on for a bit so I'm going to cut to the chase, more romantic (platonic) stuff went down and he saw me to the airport. I was devastated, by this point. I was head over heels and considering staying in Singapore, not that I could afford it. 

When I finally went to the departures lounge I could have been sick and cried all at once. All that was going through my mind was that leaving was a huge mistake and that I had to see where this could go. I messaged him and we decided to do this crazy, stupid thing. We decided to try long distance. It was such a relief. We'd work it out, it would be fine, the feelings were strong enough... Well that's what I thought.

Having landed in Australia I quickly messaged Dave and we continued talking at a rate... It was all going well and we talked about everything, I encouraged him to be himself and to be open, but it turned sour very quickly. They say that the brightest flames burn shortest, what they don't tell you is that they also try to burn all your metaphorical sh*t because they're f*cking crazy! (Sorry for the language)

All of a sudden Dave became this controlling, insecure person who would need my attention 24/7. I felt as though I couldn't do anything else. I didn't have data on my plan so I would get respites when I was out of the flat I was staying in, but I would dread coming back to wifi to see tons of messages that needed my I attention. One morning I woke up to twenty three messages. Twenty three gorram messages after having spoken for two to three hours the night before. He even pulled out "I Love you" within a week of meeting him and was pushing me to say it back. 

I started to distance myself and within a day or two came the anticipated question "tell me honestly, is something wrong?" Well of course I said yes. I'd had a relationship like this in the past and it had affected me deeply in a very negative way. I knew this was my out and having learned from my past, I took my exit. 

I deflected the obvious entreaties I'd heard all those years ago when I ended my first relationship and was surprised when Dave said that his insecurity was all a game that he played with guys because otherwise they were intimidated my his hotness and how cool he was. He actually said that it was stupid of me to think he was insecure because "I'm hot and not even fat" and that he hadn't really liked me that much and I was silly to think he would have, because I was so much older than him - he's 27 and I'm 31. 

Now, I don't take being called old as an insult, in fact it's quite the compliment, with age comes experience, wisdom, compassion and much more and I look up to older friends and family. However it was clear that this was meant as an insult. That was my queue to leave, so I told him I was going and blocked him across the internet. I could have stayed and argued it out, heard more supposed insults, but why? If what he was saying was true then I never really knew him and if it was lie I had no reason to respect him and ergo no reason to listen.

So... That was one week of my life, well eight days. From falling, to relationship stress, to breakup and crazy ex routine. 

Would I do it all again? Absolutely! I still believe in the same things I've always believed in. The importance of Love (capital L), fidelity, trust, hard work and wanting more for someone else than you do for yourself. I still want to find that big all time Love and am still looking for it and it alone. If I get another shot at Love, I'll take it. It's foolish I suppose, but then they do say that only fools fall in Love.

Malaysia

Malaysia, it's been a great experience all in all, but as with so many places it is largely down to the people I've met here. Before traveling I expected meeting people to play a role in my experience, but not to this great a degree. It also seems that the influence of others grows the longer I travel. At first my thoughts were all on seeing this temple, completing that hike, etc, now I'm more laid back and prefer to let the wind take me. This usually involves meeting new people and tagging along with them and so this blog is largely a tale of serendipity and socializing. 

I arrived in Malaysia late, so late I was worried that I wouldn't be able to get to my hostel, Reggae Mansion, which was suggested to me by a friend (Thanks Badders). Before I go on, this place is amazing! It is set in an old colonial building and has an endless amount of beds, all in cubbies with curtains for privacy and plug points, plus a brilliant rooftop bar with a view of the Petronas and KL towers. One should be aware that you will get drunk on the rooftop at some point. You have been warned.

So, after a great night's sleep in my cubby I went down for breakfast, having missed the free breakfast the place was empty. I chose a table and was surprised when the waiter brought a coffee over, puzzled I assumed that this was part of the apparently missed breakfast reached for the coffee just as a girl sits down opposite me as picks up the cup. At this point I've fully reached, there's no subtly retracting my arm, or pretending to run my fingers through my hair or something. There's nothing for it so I have to look up and say "sorry I wasn't trying to steal your coffee". *cringe* If this was a rom com this would be the start, but for at least one fairly big reason, this was not that. However we did get on like a house on fire, which thinking about it is a really weird metaphor, I mean how is a burning house relevant to friendship? English sayings can be weird...

Emma and I chatted for a while and soon realized that we had been talking for five hours, again this is not a rom com. I had learned that one of Emma's many talents was buying knock off handbags. This was of particular interest being a good son with a mum who likes handbags. You see my mum rarely buys anything for herself and having had only sons never gets presents of handbags, though she loves them, because we have no idea what to look for. I mean seriously, I know they are supposed to have handless, well I think... So I recruited Emma as my official handbag guru and went down to China town. This had to be one of the best experiences I have ever had. Emma can haggle! I thought I was good, but I am a lowly novice in the shadow of Emma's skills. I had to turn around slack jawed as she told one merchant that she had "all day to stand here and haggle" and that he was a "funny man" for charging those prices. By the end the guy gave up and I saved over 60% on the asking price. It was so lucky that I met Emma and this was a part of my trip that I had not anticipated. 

Later we were joined by Livvy who Emma had met traveling and the three of us went to the KL tower and then on to get street food, which included (for me) BBQ frog and honeyed liver which were amazing!

The next day (I think) we met up with Aimée who knew Emma's mum and was living in KL with her partner James. We then all went out on Bukit Bingtan to a few hot spots that Aimée and James suggested, it was nice to have a gang and a guide to help explore the KL nightlife with, it would have been a totally different experience had I not reached for that coffee.  

I also went up the Petronas towers, they're alright, but without being able to see the towers themselves (obvs) or the KL tower, it's just like looking at any other city. You would have thought that whichever of the two building came second, that they would have built it opposite the first to make it more appealing to tourists, but I'm sure something silly like the availability of land was more of a priority or something. There is a cool augmented reality thing which you can use to make it look like you're using the towers like some sort of double rail gun. I'm sure that's not the official line on the use of it though...

I have to say I was really sad to part ways with these great people, but as is the way with traveling, moments are just that and must make way for the next. 

My next moment started when I was contacted by Jenni and Tracy, friends who I had not seen since university. They just so happened to be in Malaysia and at Tioman island near KL.  So I planned my trip and agreed to see them, how could I not when we were so nearby on the other side of the world. That's when I met Claire, one of only three people in my dorm. I mentioned that I was planning to go to Tioman island and coincidentally she was going to do the same journey at the same time. Serendipity struck again. 

So off we went to Tioman picking up a pot of peanut butter and chocolate spread en route and Claire's first Kinder Bueno NOM!! It was a pleasant bus ride and we randomly bumped into a student called Joana, who was also headed in the same direction. All of a sudden my plans to get an expensive and lonely room for one turned into a fun room for three. We found the room on Salang beach at Ella's place. It has a great vibe, cheap rooms (30MRN for each of us) and their cat had just had kittens! There are loads of cats on the island and they are all amazingly cute. 

We later met a bunch of guys who invited us to a BBQ, which was welcome after a grueling day of snorkeling. Tioman is stunning and snorkeling was amazing, I'd say better than diving in Koh Tao. The range of fish and animals was amazing. Swimming alongside a shoal of bright yellow fish was mesmerizing and studying the beautiful parrot fish in all their varied colours was something else entirely. 

Later that day, the BBQ provided a good opportunity to meet up with Jenni and Tracy who had been staying at a swanky resort a few beaches down. 

Unfortunately Claire and Joana weren't heading back to KL, which I planned to do, so I could complete a Skype interview with an Australian PR agency. That wasn't a problem as my friends Jenni and Tracy were heading that way, along with my new friends Duc and Felina. 

I hung out with Jenni and Tracy more in KL exploring China town's back alley street restaurants and the street food capital of KL, Jalan Alor, eating honeyed liver and frogs again... NOM!! It was really great to catch up but weird to realize that the last time we had seen each other we didn't have careers, lived in Luton, etc. They are still the fun loving people I met at uni though and that was great to see. (You guys rock, can't wait to see you in the UK, also you have all of our selfies!)

Again it was sad to see them go, but by this point I had met Sean and Anna, friends from the UK who were in KL before heading to Sydney... The very same place planned to be in a week. We ended up getting very drunk on the rooftop of the Reggae Mansion where the DJ let me queue up music but wouldn't take other people's requests!! In the morning we found a hungover cheeky Nandos. Having had one with Emma and Livvy, I feel like this was a theme of the trip. These guys were cool and I'm looking forward to meeting up with them in 'straya.

My only set back has been a few cuts on my right leg and foot which have become infected. The doctor said that I couldn't go in water and should avoid anywhere that had a lot of sand flies and Mosquitos, so that was the Perhentian islands out! As my foot started to throb, I decided to stay in KL and met up with Aimée who convinced me to try veganism... Yes that's right I'm trying it out, but don't think I'll be doing it long term. I also tried a McTriple cheeseburger, a weird corn tube or ice cream and a peanut butter and banana hamburger, which was surprisingly nice. One of my favourite parts of my second stay in KL though has to be investigating art classes. I went to a two hour session and could do whatever I wanted. I ended up taking inspiration from a picture they had there and creating a piece to reflect on my travels. 

So over a couple of weeks and through complete serendipity, I've was in the company of old and new friends, whether from accidentally attempting to steal someone's coffee, bumping into people who are planning the same trip as me, or meeting up with friends who happen to be in the same part,of the opposite side of the world. 

However this brings me back to my initial point about the influence of others, which has, in general, increased during my travels. Do I think this is coincidence?  No not really. How we met is coincidental, but the fact that I met new people is not. I mean I've always been social, but when I think about places like Egypt, India, Koh Pangan and Morocco I felt like I couldn't be bothered meeting new people, I was more interested in what I was doing. 

I am more open to going with the flow. I think that there comes a point in traveling when your mindset changes and you start living it, rather than being on a long term holiday. Instead of running around to see sights you had never heard of and planning your trip in fine detail, you take a more laid back approach. Yes there are countries that foster this more than others, for example South Africa and it can depend on your accommodation, but it's a general trend too. You feel less guilty for taking time for yourself and your hobbies, or eating food that you know, because sometimes you just need a cheeky Nandos and some reality and that's OK.